The second you have begun proving that you’ll express your disapproval for something, people feel they have to “win” by hearing you approve of their things.
the neonbat

I tell you, she’s a smart lady, neonbat, amongst her other considerable talents. You’ll just have to excuse the skullkitty for a moment while she editorialises a little…

So it was with some chagrin that this morning the skullkitty found a link to a certain website cross her desk. Well, a forum actually; one simply titled Dream Reviews. This deceptively simple concept held with it a morbidly fascinating premise; rather than doing classic reviews — a la this very website — DR was set up specifically with the intent of reviewing the staff and patrons of dreams. From the forums themselves:

The purpose of this forum first and foremost is promoting dreams that have a friendly atmosphere, helpful staff and a member base that have no real complaints with their dream of choice.

Secondary, to try and assist dreams that don’t fit the above criteria to try and improve on themselves, pointing out the flaws via constructive criticism in a public forum, anyone and everyone who wishes to participate listing together the various weak points of a dream to better it.

The last and the least is a warning, accountability, more so. If one is harassed in a dream and no one will do anything, if they are met with nothing but staff who degrade newcomers to fuel their own ego or banish on a whim, if members are afraid of speaking up in their own dream against wrongs being committed, they can come here and speak out either anonymously or by name in the knowledge that if their bringing it to light brings punishment, that too will be on record for anyone to see.

An independent watchdog for dreams in Furcadia? Could it really be true? And more importantly; should it be true?

This might seem like a strange question coming from this particular site — after all, the line between reporting drama and signing up to become card-carrying members of the Internet Police is mostly in the eye of the beholder — but Furc!Wank has always tried to wear its hypocrisy on its sleeve; we pick no bones over our own yellow hues. Nevertheless, it highlights an important paradox when dealing with this kind of thing; how far do you have to go before you yourself become guilty of the thing you’re accusing others of?¹

As a fairly new invention, there isn’t a great deal of wank at the DR forums… yet. The dark clouds are certainly on the horizon, however, mostly care of Ten and Erik and what seems to be a spillover battle regarding The Leaky Mug Tavern and Inn. Ten is doing nothing other than what the forums were created to do — bitch about the dream’s staff — and Erik is doing nothing other than what he probably should also be doing in the situation; refuting the claims. Now, the skullkitty has never been one to approve of either the consent rule, adversarial RP in general, or dealing with OOC problems in an IC fashion, but that’s neither here nor there. What we’re talking about is the medium, not the message, and this thread demonstrates perfectly the inherent problems with attempting a kind of impartial arbitration tribunal. Namely; no-one is going to agree with each other, nor should they really have to.

Sites Furc!Wank and its compatriots inside and outside the game are in many ways mercifully immune to these kinds of issues. After all, this is my site and all opinions expressed here are, also, mine. I don’t much care if you agree with them or if you think I’m a total toolbox (which I’m sure many of you do). Maybe more importantly, while I am rather fond of being an armchair critic, I don’t really expect anyone to take what I say seriously. While I’m happy to point out that the staff in Dream X or the patching and DS in Dream Y are mind-numbingly horrible, I’m not going to insist that they change it solely because I think it’s bad. Maybe I’m just being egotistical (hah), but it occurs to me that this is the difference; and it’s a significant one. Because essentially what the DR forums do is give people a platform not just to express dissatisfaction with dream staff, but legitimise their complaints by implying that they have an explicit right to expect that dreams are run in a fashion that they approve of.

Here’s a tip for you, kids; life is not fair, no way and no how. Nor does it need to be. Because the same rule that applies to sites like Dream Reviews? To Furc!Wank itself? Well, it applies to all those prats running their dreams, too. Put simply, if I can say and do whatever I want on my site, then you can also do whatever you like in your dream. And I have to respect that, even if it’s diametrically opposed to what I think is ‘right’.² There’s a difference between me telling you I think you’re an idiot, and me alleging that you are an idiot.

So this is why, when I was first asked to plug Dream Reviews this morning I knew I was in trouble. And let it be a lesson to all you kids out there, too; just because you’ve got a site that seems similar to Furc!Wank, don’t necessarily assume we’re going to be on your ’side’.

As the man says, it’s a cruel world.

And before we go, a special shout-out to our bot’s fanclub, who’ve been nice enough to form a little digopile around his feet. Extra special love goes to Hades Passion who — upon seeing that The Grotto had unloaded from FurN — instantly got up to sit in its place. This resulted in a short time when the dream became even more extra-secret and special since we got kicked off the main map completely by Celes|Chere#SM and her ‘chartered dream’ Celes Hidden Garden. Ah, upload wars. To think, this might actually suck if it were about something other than a vanity chat room. Remember kids; charter your dreams. That way, even if you don’t actually upload them to the map for six months, you can still kick other people off. Fun!

And to the rest of you; it’s been done, now. You don’t get mentioned twice.

1. If you’re thinking to yourself that F!W deliberately tries to avoid this question by boldfaced admission then you’d be 100% correct. If you’re also thinking that it’s a pretty weak smokescreen, you’d still be right. You’re a smart cookie, aren’t you?
2. Incidentally, as an aside, this is why all Furc!Wank staff and minions are told to honour the physicality (if not always the intent) of all bans placed against them by dream owners. Remembers, I don’t actually have to be in your dream or forum to find out there’s wank going on… or to write about it.

In a prime example of Furcadian stupidity, an innocent thread about DS for Build-a-Homes turns into a wank-fest when Ecu dresses-down thread-started Trees for getting uppity at a user who admitted to having made the same code pre-update. Trees accuses Ecu of not only lying, but of having a deliberate agenda against him. People are confused. The word ’slanderist’ is thrown around. Saner people point out that even if Ecu was making up his original quote, Trees’ responses made him look like such a tool that the point is pretty much moot now anyway. Bitter personal war or actual retconning? Maybe we’ll never know, but as far as these things go it looks like Ecu is winning the PR battle. Take note, kids; being “immature on purpose” only ever makes you look, well, immature.

And just to prove that wank always comes in groups, Trees is back at again, this time in Off-Topic with “The Worst Description Era” [sic]. According to Trees, ‘worst descriptions’ apparently entail urination and typing like a 15-year-old trying to write like a 4-year-old. The un-clever irony of the title is pointed out. For a thread containing only 3 replies there is enough concentrated fail here to make a neutron star jealous.

Before we leave, this wouldn’t be a proper post if we didn’t do some shameless plugging, so I’m pleased to announce that the ‘official’ Furc!Wank dream, The Grotto, is now online in FurN. `join theskullkitty for quick entrance, and come watch our hard-working staff… work hard.

We’ll see you there.

Sophia Sun: YOU &$!?ING BAT!!! GET AWAY!
Sophia Sun: i said….you f.u.c.k ing bat! GET THE F.U.C.K AWAY!
Sophia Sun: F U C K YOU!
Sophia Sun: crap i said F U C K YOU!

(You see Sophia Sun.)
> I am not only what I appear, but am I more magic than girl or more girl than magic? {Friendly, cuddly, kind}

Sophia Sun: holy &$!? mouse, GET AWAY!
You say, “Wow. Tranquilizers?”
Sophia Sun: hahahaha
Sophia Sun: funny
Sophia Sun: Your pathetic excuse for a living creature made me go whack.
You say, “…okay. Bye.”
Sophia Sun blinks. “See ya”
Sophia Sun: NOW GET THE F U C K AWAY!
Sophia Sun: RUN! RUN UR LITTLE A$$ AWAY!
Sophia Sun: NOW!
Sophia Sun: MOVE UR FAT A$$
Sophia Sun: NOW GET OUTTA HERE!
You say, “Um, I mean I’m going idle. Keep having a fit, I don’t care.”

(Scyi appeared right by her and turned to me just as I closed my laptop, so I never clicked her.)

Scyi: Is this the dushbag?
Sophia Sun nods. help me Scy!
Scyi: what the &$!? are u doin to my friend, shetbag?
Scyi: crap it wont let me SCARE YOU!
Scyi: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MOUSE?
Scyi: Leave my friend alone!
Scyi: Ignorant piece of s hit!
Sophia Sun: TELL HIM LIKE IT IS, GAL!
Scyi: ^^ thankies
Sophia Sun: lol
Scyi: damn…what a creep
Sophia Sun: I know 0.o;;;; creeeeeppyyyy
Scyi: Ok byebye *hugglezzzz*
Sophia Sun: OMG, leavin me here?
Scyi: i’ll summon u…l8er after i go someplace
Sophia Sun: bich…bich bich bich
Scyi: BYE!
Sophia Sun: DAMN GOD DAMN BICH!
Sophia Sun: shi t bag, need a word
Sophia Sun: UR A PIECE A CRAP, DAKOTA!
Sophia Sun craps on the floor and tosses it at the gay guy, Zhanghia
Sophia Sun: OOPS MY BAD GAY GUY!
Sophia Sun: plese, eat up

#1. Buy Digos

Never, ever, ever buy digos. I don’t care that you like the look of them, or that they fit in with the theme of your character, or that you’re trying to burn off money for tax purposes. It’s all irrelevant, because everyone knows the only real reason anyone purchases anything from the digomarket is because they’ve got severe self-esteem issues and need to fill the hollow voids in their pathetic lives with a bunch of pixels. Te patheticness of someone’s existence increases at an exponential rate compared to how many digo items they have; life digos of any kind skew this ratio off even further. So never buy digos, unless you really want to advertise to the rest of Furc how pathetic you are by wasting money on a graphical chat client that’s ten years out of date.

#2. Remain Digoless

An even worse sin than buying digos is to remain digoless. Remaining digoless is the number one way to get ridiculed by people with digos, which — as it should become almost immediately apparent — is anyone actually worth knowing. No-one with the immediate and glorious social status instantly conveyed by the digomarket would ever lower themselves to the point of associating with your common, worthless self. In fact, they’re all sitting there right now, whispering to each other (all people with digos automatically all know each other and are all bestest friends for life) and laughing at how lame you are for even daring to be on the same screen as them. They’re mocking how poor you must be, in your trailer, begging your daddy to let you use his credit card — just this once daddy I swear I’ll pay you back — so you can pretend to be as good as they are. Not that it’ll work, mind you. They know your kind; and an ugly doll dressed up in nice clothes is still an ugly doll, after all.

#3. Sit Near Anyone

Sitting next to or even on the same screen as anyone else is instant death. After all, everyone knows that the only reason anyone ever sits on the same screen as anyone is because they’re eavesdropping. Sitting near someone else instantly marks you as a loner pervert who can’t get their own RP session and so has to get off by eavesdropping on someone else’s. This is doubly true in OOC areas, except even creepier because it means that you can’t even get any other pervert friends so have to mooch off someone else’s.

#4. Let Anyone Sit Near You

So, you think you’re safe sitting around in Acrop chatting with your mates? Wrong! Think again, kids, because Furcadia is absolutely crawling with people who spend their entire time just sitting around next to people, recording their conversations in order to repost them later. If you’re lucky, it’ll just be to their friends. If you’re unlucky, you’ll wind up on a place like Furc!Wank. What are they looking for? Absolutely everything! That RP you were really enjoying? Yeah, they’re gonna post that up and pick it apart as an example of what a lame character you have, and how all your ideas suck and, oh, you can’t write either. That chat you were having? They’re laughing at that, too; about what an idiot you are and how they can’t believe anyone could be so stupid as to think that. It’s also worth remembering that everyone is also a sockpuppet account for someone whom you really like, respect and/or are trying to impress, and that as soon as they see you casually open your mouth they’re going to realise exactly how unworthy of their time you really are.

#5. Idle

If anyone ever catches you idling anywhere, for any reason, your reputation will never recover. There are only two reasons anyone ever idles. The first one is similar to the reason people buy digos; because they’re losers whose idea of a good way to show off is to stay connected to a computer game for 60 hours straight. And they are connected, of course; they’re sitting there, watching the screen, but not daring to touch it lest they reset their precious idle-count. Of course, while they’re doing this they’re also deliberately wasting money by leaving their computers on and their internet connected. Because there’s no possible other reason why anyone would leave their machine on for days at a time. Except maybe to rape the planet with all that electricity they’re using.

And that, gentle reader, is it. Of course, this woefully short list cannot hope to ever cover all the faux pas you are likely to make during your career as a Furcer, but it will certainly help. Well, probably; there’s no helping some people, after all. Just make sure to follow these five simple guidelines, and maybe the rest of the server won’t figure out how lame you are until, oh, at least the third day.

Happy dreamhopping!

Member Sadil, among several other parties, has lately been responding in the attempt to reason with the regulars who frequently post such threads. She tries to point out the logic behind what the other parties might have been thinking, and emphasizes that the act in question was altogether harmless. But lately, even Sadil’s grounded logic has begun to fall through.

On the subject of long-term idlers, she complains about Furcadia users who have left their character AFF for extended periods of time, regardless of whether they are in a designated place and out of the walking paths of active places. When asked to explain further why this upsets her, she elaborates that her offense is due to the fact that people apparently idle for long periods of time for no reason other than showing off. Even further down the thread, it is revealed that people who remain on the main maps and possess Digos have spent money in order to demean those who play and do not. Sadil also apparently feels she is being degraded when in simple English (not Thesaurus Humping, mind), someone uses a large-ish word.

Shortly after the excitement of the idlers thread died down, love sprang up unexpectedly. True to her usual format, Sadil defends love deftly from the original poster and hypocritically declares, “To each their own.” However, the subject quickly takes a sharp turn to the act of celebrating one’s “monthly” anniversary — and Sadil vigorously agrees that the act is pointless and unacceptable.

In these threads, as well as several others, fellow members subsequently posted their own reasons for owning Digos, idling or using semi-large words. She dealt out her approval (and contradicting reasons why their case is acceptable) afterwards — giving the impression that permission is apparently required for Furcadians to perform actions which just may make Sadil feel as though she is being insulted.

Like much good wank, it starts off in the Golden Tether Rants forum, and unusually for that place the post has been locked rather than deleted. I suspect that won’t last, so get in while the going’s good, as they say. It seems that everyone’s favourite guard, Triss D’Vichy is getting upset over a whisper insinuating that just because she (or he, I can never tell) isn’t wearing pants that she might be only getting “one kind of rp” [sic]. You can read the results for yourself.

The wank builds slowly, initially by suggestions that people are trying to deliberately piss Triss off because of his position as a guard. The real wank kicks in, however, when relative forum newbie Jesto jumps in and points out that for someone supposedly keen on ‘politeness’ Triss is being pretty damn rude. Not surprisingly, Triss isn’t happy with the allegations, which essentially boil down to:

• Immediately lashed out at someone not clearly, 100% deserving of it.
• Preaching politeness when only rudeness is evident in the original post.
• Drudging an issue that should have been private onto the boards for a public lynching for the sake of having one – and yes, public, you censored her name gave information on how to find it.

Jesto

In the resulting fallout, sides are taken…

… but wait! It gets even better when Vinyl, the original whisperer, jumps in to defend herself. The wank continues; more sides are taken, groupthink is mentioned, the word “darlin’” is abused and our friend “I don’t want to get involved, but…” rears its ugly head. More of TGT’s staff show up, and Jesto hits the ground running by mentioning that Triss may be breaking her own forum rules (not to mention Vulpes R’s originals). Allegations that Triss underhandedly revealed Vinyl’s identity become the victim of retconning.

More staff jump in asking for a cessation to hostilities but some of the principle players, including Triss, just can’t let it go. In the end, Skadowee jumps in and shuts the whole thing down. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions on this one, I think.

Incidentally — in the interests of fair disclosure — let’s not forget that this is the very forum that the skullkitty herself has been banned from for causing her own wank.

Digan: [link]
Triss D’Vichy: I so don’t know if I want to go beyond the first picture, because this site obviously just takes things out of context for humor
Digan: You probably don’t. #4 is a mind killer, and NSFW
Digan: #5, I mean.
Triss D’Vichy: I’ve seen Cradle of Filth 4 times, that’s just a bad timing picture before he probably shrieked or something. It’s a lip ring, and they don’t know -anything- about the music aside what people who talk shit want to say, they’ve obviously not actually researched it, read lyrics, or anything of the sort
Triss D’Vichy: I also say that because that’s shitty, he’s a cool guy, I’ve gotten drunk with him before
Digan: It’s a humour page. The guy who made it wouldn’t have known any of those guys if he weren’t a fan.
Triss D’Vichy: That’s not true, that side of the metal scene is alot larger than you think. Alot larger. Based purely on how large it is, Helsinki, Finland was named this decades capitol of rock.
Triss D’Vichy: But it’s easy to come across alot of these names by accident with other music and things
Triss D’Vichy: almost all of them are legend status in the genre
Digan: Fair enough. I’m ignorant on this point.
Digan shuts up to avoid offending anyone else.
Triss D’Vichy: Nah you didn’t offend anyone Digan hehe
Triss D’Vichy: I’m just very into the music scene so I’ll argue some things if I feel they are misconstrued.
Triss D’Vichy: And yes I was teasing you

Lessons we also learn from this conversation: Northern Europeans are not allowed to dislike metal.

RooKim curls up in her pillow fort. Does not care for death metal.
Triss D’Vichy: That’s a shame since it’s mostly in your part of the world. That’s like me saying I hate something America is well known for having that other places don’t… Though fuck if I can’t figure out what that would be

Hint: Fat people and bad food.